The Sleep-Talker

Update 11/8/10

He hasn't been talking as much lately so I actually tried to create a moment by asking him questions when I knew he was asleep. I asked a couple and he didn't budge. I even poked him a little. No response. So then I decided to say "roll tide" and he finally woke up enough to say it back with his mouth closed, thus "mm mm" and fell back asleep.

I was working on something important (I do my best in the wee hours) and wanted Rush to approve it. I read it aloud and he said it was fine. After about a minute of silence he jerks awake and says What? So I said what and Rush responded "I thought something was true and it wasn't" I tried to get more out of him but he kept saying "I dunno", rolled over and said "Let a man sleep, baby. Let a man sleep!"

I got out of bed because I'd left the cup of water Rush filled up for me too far away to reach. Rush asked where I was going so I told him. He responded "It was the biggest water ever! Shouldn't it be obvious??"

Thought Rush was awake, so I asked him a simple question. He said "huh?" so I repeated it, to which he responded "Wake me up, Garrison!" I said "What??" and he said "Wake me up for the fifth layer!" Then he fell back asleep.

Rush pushed me completely off the bed. I told him to move back over and he said "How can I do that without her noticing?" 

Update 10/13/10

Rush pushed me away from him so I acted hurt and asked him if he loves me. So he says "of course, what do I need to get you." Not what I was expecting but I realized I needed my chapstick so I told him to get that. Without moving an inch, he pauses for a few seconds and then says "Here you go, baby" Needless to say, I got it for myself.

Rush is sleeping and I'm on the computer when, out of the blue, the following exchange takes place...
Rush: Don't worry about the email tonight....
Me: What email?
Rush: John was supposed to send an email. 
Me: About what?
Rush: About our game. 
I was pretty sure he was talking crazy, but I checked our email just in case. Nothing. So I kept asking questions to which Rush kept responding "I don't know" until finally he said, "These are really complicated questions for this late in the day. Can't I just sleep?" 

Me: Did we get Gustav and Schnitzel in here before we closed the door?
Rush: Yes, baby (condescendingly)
Me: Okay, I just wasn't sure...
Rush: We definitely have some of those.
Me: What??
Rush: Grocery bags.
Me: (laughing)
Rush: What?
Me: We were not talking about grocery bags.
Rush: Well, they're there.
Me: Where are the grocery bags, Rush?
Rush: Some in the pantry, some in the food!

Me: It's so hot. I'm dying. 
Rush: Well why isn't the air on? No, wait, it is. I can see it. We're saving money that way. 

Me: What time is the game Saturday? 
Rush: I think it's a hero. 
Me: What? 
Rush: I think it's a hero. You kicked it off and asked me something. 


Update 9/18/10

I was telling Rush how frustrated I am that I can't even get a volunteer job and didn’t realize he was asleep.
Rush: It’ll all be alright
Me: What does that even mean?
Rush: I’m saying, like, maybe you won’t look weird with that shirt on. 

Rush was sound asleep, then lifted his head a bit and said "What does it say over here?" He continued to ask variations on that question while pointing around the room. Then he paused for a few seconds and looked around blearily before saying "There we go" and going back to sleep. 

Update 9/15/10

For the record, I made no noise to wake him up. #sleepinghusband started talking all on his own.

Rush: Would this be better or worse?
Me: What?
Rush: Would this be better or worse?
Me: Would what be better or worse?
Rush: Putting some money down.
Me: Putting some money down on what?
Rush: In what we're doing!
Then I asked him a couple times what he was talking about and he just kept saying I don't know. Finally I asked him if HE thought it would be better or worse to which he incredulously responded "Well, better!'
Cue me laughing until he starts in again...
Rush: My arm hurts.
Me: Why?
Rush: Because of the game.
Me: What game?
Rush: The game on TV.
Me: Which game on TV?
Rush: One of the football games.
Me: Why does that make your arm hurt?
Rush: Well, it doesn't make MY arm hurt... exactly...
I laughed so hard after that one that he actually woke up. The end :)

Luna doesn't like being locked in our bedroom so I let her out. Rush asked urgently if she was gone and I said "Yes, obviously, whyy??" He then says "I think he said that one part to his friend." Dying of laughter at this point, I couldn't respond so Rush said "He's a weirdo!" Once I could breathe again, I asked Rush who he was talking about, to which he replied, "The guy who's a weirdo!"

*****

So, come to find out, my husband talks in his sleep. Granted, it almost always happens after I say something to semi-awaken him. Nevertheless, it is HYSTERICAL! I post them all over Facebook and Twitter but I just spent hours what felt like hours compiling all of the ones I could fine. Enjoy!

Me: I need to go get some wa ter but I'm all twisted in blankets!
Rush: [resignedly and completely serious] Well, let's have a party.

Rush said something unrepeatable and I asked him why, to which he responded "I'm confused and silly"

Rush and I were discussing cat names earlier. I thought of one later and asked if he was awake. He said yes so I said it and then he said a couple other ones. Then he said "The reason I'm not dancing is because it's a slow song." I had no idea he was asleep so that really caught me off guard and I burst out laughing. Then he asked why I was laughing, so I told him he was crazy and he said "I probably said that because of the music [note: the room was silent]. I just wanted to warn people." Later, he rolled over and opened his eyes a little. I asked him if he knew what he said a couple of minutes ago and he said yes. I asked him what it was and he mumbled "Sumthin 'bout football"

Rush mumbled a little so I asked him what he said. Still laying down, without moving an inch, he goes, "Oh. I didn't even realize I had gotten up."

Me: Schnitzel's pushing me off the bed.
Rush: I'm all the way over here.
Me: HE's pushing me!
Rush: Try the nickle festival!!

Finally got the dog off me but he ended up on the floor. I was feeling guilty so Rush said "Schnitzel gets to do plenty of fun, fun things!"

I just coughed and Rush goes "Are you okay??" And I'm like "yeah... I'm fine..." He asks me a couple more times what's wrong and I assure him that everything's okay, I just coughed. He then says "Alright... I'm ...just worried about you... all that pocket welding!"

Rush: Did you find a babysitter?
Me: What?

Rush: Do you want to switch places?
Me: Why?

Rush: I don't know, this might be a better seat.

Schnitzel's in my spot on the bed and I'm trying to move him. I sigh in frustration.

Rush: Yeah, I can't tell when someone's done that or not.

Me: Done what?

Rush: That psychic thing!

Rush: You wanna guess what the package was?
Me: What?
Rush: Do you want to guess what the package was they brought earlier?
Me: What package?
Rush: To play the games with yall.

Me: What games?
Rush: YALL!
Me: Who's yall?
Rush: The players. 

Me: What words would you use to describe Act of Congress?

Rush: I mean, I think it'd be multiple words.

Me: Yeah, like what?

Rush: I don't know, I guess, like kleenex, right?