Tracy, I'm in love with you no matter what you weigh!

One of the things I admire most about Miss Turnblad is her positive body image. I don't know about you, but I'm not always so confident about the way I look. Especially when I go shopping. Nothing can put me in a funk quite like trying on outfit after outfit and none of them fitting right. Secret confession: this is why I gave up pants. At some point in high school, I got fed up with the way pants fit my shape and I stopped wearing them. I'm happy to say I haven't owned a pair of jeans since I was a freshman in college!

Shoe shopping, however, is a completely different ballgame. Feet stay the same. No matter how much my body changed, I could always rely on my feet to be small and cute. I didn't have to buy new ones or trash old ones, never squeezed into them or had them falling off, could buy more and more and just collect as many shoes as a girl could own. Until now. Readers, you heard it here first - my feet have betrayed me. They've GROWN and I am not pleased! It's not that I have clown feet or anything. No, I now wear a size 6. Still tiny I realize, but most of my shoes no longer fit, including my wedding shoes :(

My foot next to my husband's - you can tell it's a recent picture because my toes are hanging off the front of this size 5.

The fabulous costume designer for Hairspray, Sydney Roberts, was a little dismayed this weekend when all of the shoes she brought for me were too small. She persevered, however, and I ended up in the snazziest, hot pink heels that have ever graced my traitor feet. I quite legitimately felt like a movie star at RMTC's Gala on Saturday. It was a blast and I could not have been more excited to meet all the incredible people who make that program the amazing success that it is. Not to mention, I finally got to sing with Mitch Dean who will be playing Link this summer! I think the most exhilarating part of it all was that this experience is just the tip of the iceberg for what the next few months will hold. And maybe, over the course of becoming Tracy, I'll forgive my feet.

Good Morning, Baltimore!

I'll eat some breakfast...then Change the World

Partially thanks to the wonderful world of Tracy Turnblad, I am over-hauling and completely reorganizing my life. One of the steps in my process was arranging pictures on Facebook. While I was working, I noticed something that shouldn't shock me but that I found disconcerting all the same. A year of my life is missing. I make a lot of jokes about my junior year of college and most people know a little about what happened there, but it wasn't until I was looking through old photos that it really hit me what a mess I'm capable of making.


For those of you who don't know, don't remember, or don't completely understand, I fell into a deep hole of uncertainty during my third year in college. It started some when I was a sophomore but didn't hit hard until October 2007. I still deal with the consequences of my behavior to this day. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this is one of those instances that I know for certain our Heavenly Father put dear Rushing in my heart for a reason. If not for him, I may not be here to share this with you right now. Now I know that it was BiPolar Disorder that controlled my life.


I felt like a victim everywhere I went. A dark depression caused me to spend almost every evening spiraling into a place that looked so tragic to me, I couldn't come out of it if I wanted - and I didn't want to. Of course I experienced the exhilarating mountains that can be mania, but mine often manifested itself in extreme irritation, even anger. I was positive that everyone despised me and chose to make sure they thought I hated them too. God led me to a school and department with truly loving, charitable people. I lost a lot, but I know many forgave me for much more than I could ever deserve.


This is not to say that all is better. I see these patterns in my relationships even now. Medication helps some, but honestly it's more the knowledge of what's happening and the belief that Jesus can conquer it. This is the reason for my first tattoo: a green ribbon which stands for mental health awareness. I was scared to talk to anyone and even more embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't get a grip on myself. Whether you're depressed, manic, or just confused, please ask for help. I'm lucky that all I lost was one year.

2 Weeks Notice

I am ashamed of myself and the inadequate amount of blogging I've done lately. To be fair, when I started this thing I was unemployed but now I technically hold 4 jobs... That's about to change though - I put in my 2 weeks notice. This is the first time I've ever quit a job. There's never been an opportunity for me to because they were always seasonal and/or temporary. It made me really sad. The people who work at the YMCA are a beautiful family. They may be a little crazy and frustrating sometimes, but they love each other and accept every new person that enters those doors.


My new job is fantastic, though. I just can't wait to get started!! I'll be working at Gymboree Play and Music. This is actually the second time I've applied for this position and thankfully third time doesn't have to be the charm because they wanted me as soon as I walked in the door. I am so blessed to be allowed to work in so many different places with so many wonderful people. I hope I never grow tired of working in the arts with children because it truly is the most incredible combination. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me.


This post feels a little scattered but that doesn't surprise me. Did I mention I'm currently working 4 jobs? They all fill me with such joy that I can't even contemplate complaining (though that doesn't mean I can't admit that I'm TIRED). Oh, and by working at Play and Music, I get a discount at the Gymboree store! My little niece or nephew is going to be so spoiled... My job as Aunt Mimi will be the most important of all :D

In Which I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with my Spouse

Welp. We don't have a single blog post in the month of February... And let me be the first to tell you that it is ALL RUSH'S FAULT!!!! Okay, but seriously, I've been HOUNDING HIM all month to make a freaking post... Boo. I married a man who doesn't want to blog. Sigh.

Well, OBVIOUSLY some Tracy-news is in order. But I wanted Rush to do it. Hence the previous few sentences :) I truly have nothing to say other than the fact that I'm SO ANGRY at him (and by that, I actually just mean that I'm slightly irritated) and that it is now officially my birthmonth. Would that I had been born on the last day of the month so that I could celebrate an entire month!

Okay. So news. Bubby's in a show and truly it is the most fabulous show I've ever seen this company do - Theatre Downtown's Titus Andronicus is a MUST SEE!! Go. Now. Well, not RIGHT now unless it just happents to be a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday around 8pm. Otherwise, wait until the next occurrence. I, too, am in a show. But who cares, cause it doesn't start until July...

JUST KIDDING I CARE SO MUCH OH MY GOSH I AM TRACY TURNBLAD IN RMTC'S HAIRSPRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I just had to get that out. I've yet to have a true night of CELEBRATION but honestly, that'll probably come on opening night :D

PS

Schnitzel just ate an entire chocolate chip cookie. That's what you get, disobedient husband. That's what you get.

The Right Path

I am so blessed. The people in my life are truly sensational. Whether I get the part or not, this audition process has been such a positive experience!! I've been encouraged and supported more than ever before, I've met so many amazing people, and I've had several enjoyable evenings of singing and dancing. Best of all, Rush and I have miraculously grown even closer. No one has ever been there for me quite like my loving husband. Only an incredible man could spend a collective 20 hours or so sitting and waiting at various auditions.

The last one was a total blast, mostly due to how fantastic the other Tracy finalists are, inside and out. We went over dances together, chatted, shared snacks, and genuinely got to know and appreciate one another - all in the span of 5 hours as we competed for a role. I personally felt like the character herself at some points. We were five big girls in a sea of tiny, flexible beauties. When it came time for our dance audition, the Tracys got the biggest (ha!) applause of all. That was one of the most satisfying moments of my life.

Everyone there was so respectful of each other and I can't wait to get more involved with this community. Red Mountain and I did not get off on the right foot. Last year, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to intern with them as I tried to finish my last semester of college and plan a marriage. It was not. I was unable to complete my duties and ultimately dropped the show altogether. The company graciously gave me another chance with The Drowsy Chaperone and I've been hooked ever since. What an awesome group of people!!

I have a really pathetic confession to make. As evident by our almost-identical interviews, short, chubby girls everywhere have dreamt about playing Tracy since they first discovered the show. I'm one of those. For the past 5 years, however, my fantasy has been specifically geared towards RMTC. Ever since I saw their production of my all-time favorite show Bat Boy: The Musical, I've often thought to myself how crazy it would be if they ever decided to do Hairspray. And had open auditions for Tracy. And I got it. And I had all my friends and family come see it. And, of course, I was the best Tracy EVER ;)

So, you see, half of my vision has already become a reality. Yes, I will probably cry and wallow and generally feel dreadful if I am not cast, but I would still not trade this opportunity for anything! Never before have I felt so strongly that I am in the right place at the right time. God is directing my feet and I am following. All I can do now is pray that I keep finding the right path.